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Observations From The Bed

What? Are you tired of hearing how sick I am? I know. Me, too. I'm sick of me sick. It's not a pretty color at all on me. I'd much rather be writing about the fantabulous fun that Mallory brings into this house or Mason's ever-growing snarkiness or Morgan's willingness to cuddle his momma with the possibility that he could get sick but does it out of love anyway. (Also, he smells good. Really really good. Always has. I can stick my nose in the crook of his neck and sniff for hours. But at age 11 he's all, "Maaaahhhhhmmm. Come ON." so I have to take what I can get.)

Before I move on, however, there is an update to my sickness. It's no longer just a virus! It's now bacterial! In my chest! (Yes, I realize my love of exclamatory phrases has increased with the illness, but I blame it on my body being inflamed. And not in the good way, either.) At least there is an antiobiotic I can take now that I have a legitimate infection. Oh, and let me tout the wonders of Mucinex: it has guaifenesin in it. That's "gwye-FEN-e-sin" to the virgin ears. My doctor said it about 14 times when I was in the office before I said, "Please write that out legibly for me."

Kennimus: That sounds like a meal. "Yes, we'll have the guaifenesin for two."

Me: No, it sounds like an appetizer. "We'll start with the guaifenesin." Oooh! Or a name! "You tell Guaifenesin to get her ass in here and clean up this mess!"

Plainly, we're on drugs in this house right now. Mine is in the form of gag-sized pills. His is in the form of Sports Center. Dei gratia, our newest cable channels came with ESPN.

On with the observations from my bed!

1. Mucinex makes my nose feel all gummy inside. Very hard to blow your nose with gumminess supreme covering the inner workings of the nasal cavity.

2. I really should have finished painting the ceiling white 3 years ago. It's driving me crazy to stare at it now.

3. The cravings for deep-fried something or other is getting to me. Chicken, potatoes, mechanical pencils. I don't care. I just want it deep fried.

4. When I say I want 'cranberry juice' it's just the shortened version of 'cranberry raspberry juice', but in my weakened state I don't feel like saying the whole thing. Actually, it could be 'cranberry grape' or 'cranberry strawberry'. Anything but the plain stuff. Way. too. tart.

5. My favorite 'sick clothes' are tank tops and pajama bottoms. I have settled for this purple tube top that used to be a stretchy mini-skirt when I was in college. I have no shame.

6. I can eat 73 gummy bears and count each one before I'm totally bored and continue to shove them in my mouth without tallying them.

7. The best thing I've read this week was Christopher Moore's The Lust Lizard Of Melancholy Cove. Absolutely hilarious. The town psychiatrist decides to take everyone off their meds and replaces them with placebos. Also, a giant lizard comes out of the water causing everyone to be super horny. Sex is rampant. Thus, yesterday's post. The lizard/beast has a thing for mounting oil tankers that produce disastrous results. An excerpt: "She purred, taunting and teasing him from the front of the deserted Texaco station. That come-hither rumble. That low, sexy growl. Those silver flanks reflecting fog and the red Texaco sign called to him, begged him to mount her." Honestly, just read it.

8. My ass is getting sore from being in bed. (That sounded all wrong. Disregard what I've been mentioning about sex and REMEMBER THAT I'M SICK WITH A VIRUS.) Bouncing around on the bed (oh, knock it off) helps wake my sleeping butt and the most comfortable spot seems to be near the headboard on Kennimus' side of the bed. I spent part of the day with my legs in the air resting my feet on the wall.

9. Under normal circumstances, that bed pose coupled with a purple tube top would be sexy.

10. I'm sick, so that pose is not sexy right now.

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Reader Comments (26)

I hope the medicine helps, although these somewhat drug-induced posts are pretty interesting.

As for #4, everyone knows Cranapple is by far the superior cran drink.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenter-R-

I've been totally absent from Blogistan so hope this lamer of a cold leaves you soon so you can get out of bed to party!

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHilly

in honor of your gummi nose and penchant of gummi bears, look at" rel="nofollow">this, this should make you feel no less snotty, but maybe smiley

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfuriousball

a purple tube top would always be sexy on you.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterjenB\

Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove?!?!? I am AFRAID to read that book because I would seriously kill myself laughing and well, now that I live alone, who would clean up THAT mess???

You still have the tube top cum mini skirt piece of clothing? Man, I threw mine away in disgust after giving birth to that child o' mine. My current fav sick clothes are leggings and this huge shirt with Bugs Bunny sticking his face into the Marvin the Martians face saying, "Of course you realize, dis means war?" (

I really am sorry you are SO sick. Many hugs from here...I smell good, really!

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdeannie
December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdeannie

I have not yet read Lust Lizard (it's sitting on my bookshelf at home), but I have read" rel="nofollow">several other books by Moore and might I take this moment to recommend Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal? Funniest damn book I've ever read in my life.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkapgar

Now I know why you like my new picture, because your eyes are sick too.

On break from work and you are sick...poor poor baby. (hahahaha), no I wasnt laughing. No, I wasnt!!! Stop looking at me like that. Go back to your pocket lizard.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Hope you are feeling better soon!!!

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterchris

R - My drug induced posts are so much better than my drunk-blogging. Apparently.

Hilly - There's a party in my pants. Wait... now that was part of my drunk blogging! Welcome back.

furiousball - Loved the candy cane. I want to make one but I'm out of gummy bears. And, I eat the red ones first. You know.. in case you wondered.

jenB - That was a blatant attempt at getting a picture of me in said tube top. Low blow, girlfriend. Looooowwww.

Deannie - Want. That. Shirt.

Kevin - Lamb was my first foray into Mooredom. I had to keep my fast acting inhaler nearby because the laughs were unstoppable. Loved that book.

Beth - You said 'pocket lizard'. Heh.

Chris - Me, too! Day 10 and it can SUCK IT. Oh, and I stalked you all day yesterday. Did you feel the vibe? That was me. All over your blog.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

Enough already, it's time for you to SNAP OUT OF IT!! No more sick mocha. I don't like it one bit.

Guifenisen (?) is the drug of choice in this house as well, usually in the form of plain Robitussin taken with lots and lots of water. I sent youngest some Mucinex earlier this fall and he said it worked well. He also loves Vick's Vapo Rub and the tablets that you can put in the shower (Vick's maybe?).

Perhaps you should try a pillow under your knees to take some of the pressure off your lower back and butt. It may help.

Please get better and have Kennimus go through the house with Lysol with the windows open to let in some fresh air.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

Hope you get well soon. I guess it was your delirium that led you to visit the Poop Deck (my blog) but I'll thank you anyway! With an exclamation point just so you know I was paying attention when I read your post. Here's to a less mucousy tomorrow.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterwendy boucher

OK, we are not near each other geographically nor related. WHY are we always sick at the same time? Also, I hope you are buying the generic guaifenisen tablets, because "Mucinex" is a huge ripoff in brand-name form. I was amazed when they started marketing it as if it were a brand-new drug. Heck, it's been the active ingredient in Robitussin and every other cough syrup for practically my whole life. Weird. Get better. We have mold in our heat pump that is making us sick, so I think we have to burn our house down and start over to keep from having continuous pneumonia.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBelinda

Will you puhlease stop being so damn funny? Now I have boogers coming out of places I am sure boogers are NOT meant to emerge from! Even my eyes are leaking goop. Which tends to annoy my contact lenses and make my eyesight act drunk! I have not progressed to a "viable enough" sickness to require medication. I think the doc's are waiting for me to DIE before they help me.

Curl up on your side with a fluffy pillow between your knees to give that sexy butt a rest. Did you know that Vapo Rub is great for sore muscles? Ask Kennimus to rub your butt! PMSL at that mental image.

Sorry that you are still unwell and still stuck in bed. Though I envy you. If only my boys would recognise that Mummy is DYING and let me STAY IN BED AND GET BETTER. But nope, I'm up and about, trying to pretend like I care if they have clothes on or have food to eat!

If you get too bored, email me and I will meet you on MSN and keep you company. Cause I'm bored outta my mind! Has the damn parcel arrived yet? I KNOW it will cheer you up!

Love Yvonne
P.S Dave2? Where's my boob rub huh?

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdragon-mum

A little advice about Mucinex: drink tons of fluids with it - it's supposed to thin out the gunk but it needs water to do it. Also, I had this crud last year and this is the only thing that jump-started the healing: Mix 1/4 teaspoon of table salt in lukewarm water. Then use a small bulb syringe (or a netti pot if you have one) and fill it with the salt water solution. Tilt your head back and let some of the warm water flow up one nostril and out the other. This is a little tricky, it tends to run down your throat, so you have to tilt your head just right. BUT: this really loosens up the sinus crud so you can blow it out. I'm not kidding, I was sick for 3 weeks, on two different antibiotics, and until I tried this I wasn't getting better. Anyway, what have you got to lose?

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMrs RW

still the same virus from a week ago? gee, some persistent b*stard they are! and does it mean no champagne no kissing on New Year's Eve? what a shame :(

wish you and your virus and the Mocha family a very happy new year!

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAafrica

Love how you keep your sense of humor even when ill!

If you stay sick, you could get your kids to put up pictures across from your bed like my beautiful view!

My mom has musinex in her medicine cupboard. I can't imagine needing it often enough to keep it in stock! Hope the antibiotics kick the nasty bug out of your body asap.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterrachel

That "pose" should be on your coffee mug.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterTom

I'm so sorry to hear that you are sick! Please get better! Soon!

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDana

I'm sorry. I'm still at home with the stomach version of the virus and it ain't pretty either. At least I'm not alone. Get well soon.

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLisa S.

This was my fave line: "You tell Guaifenesin to get her ass in here and clean up this mess!"

Feel Better Soon!!!!!!!!!!

December 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJ. Fergie

Mrs RW is totally right about the bulb syringe (we call it the baby snot thing) and salt water. The only thing different I would suggest is to lean forward over a sink so the water will go into the sink and not on you! I have been taking 2400 mg of Mucinex for a long time to help with my asthma. If I don't drink a TON of water (about 1 gallon a day) and rinse my nose out it will turn into the gummy mess you dealing with.

Belinda there is a difference between the generic and Mucinex. The generic is immediate release and the Mucinex is extended release. For some reason that makes a difference in how the drug works for me. So it is worth the money if it works better!

I'm sorry you are sick over Christmas break. I hope you feel better soon!

December 29, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Oh, you people are full of advice! Where were you this morning before I spent an entire day all mucosy from failing to drink a gallon of water? I can't do it now before I go to bed!

Thanks, though. Y'all are so helpful!

December 29, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

Wait a minute...a book about a lizard beast having sex with oil tankers?!??!?!?? What kind of nonsense is that?

December 29, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRWA

I just have one thing to add:" rel="nofollow">Neti Pot.

December 29, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBelinda

There is also another problem with what Belinda said. There is a huge difference with the generic guaifenesin and the mucinex. Mucinex is extended release which is mentioned before. This means that it is good for a full 24 hours where the other is only good for about 4 hours. The cost of Mucinex is actually cheaper when you think that it is 600 mg of extended release tablets where the other is 200 mg.

January 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterGrant

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