What? Are you tired of hearing how sick I am? I know. Me, too. I'm sick of me sick. It's not a pretty color at all on me. I'd much rather be writing about the fantabulous fun that Mallory brings into this house or Mason's ever-growing snarkiness or Morgan's willingness to cuddle his momma with the possibility that he could get sick but does it out of love anyway. (Also, he smells good. Really really good. Always has. I can stick my nose in the crook of his neck and sniff for hours. But at age 11 he's all, "Maaaahhhhhmmm. Come ON." so I have to take what I can get.)
Before I move on, however, there is an update to my sickness. It's no longer just a virus! It's now bacterial! In my chest! (Yes, I realize my love of exclamatory phrases has increased with the illness, but I blame it on my body being inflamed. And not in the good way, either.) At least there is an antiobiotic I can take now that I have a legitimate infection. Oh, and let me tout the wonders of Mucinex: it has guaifenesin in it. That's "gwye-FEN-e-sin" to the virgin ears. My doctor said it about 14 times when I was in the office before I said, "Please write that out legibly for me."
Kennimus: That sounds like a meal. "Yes, we'll have the guaifenesin for two."
Me: No, it sounds like an appetizer. "We'll start with the guaifenesin." Oooh! Or a name! "You tell Guaifenesin to get her ass in here and clean up this mess!"
Plainly, we're on drugs in this house right now. Mine is in the form of gag-sized pills. His is in the form of Sports Center. Dei gratia, our newest cable channels came with ESPN.
On with the observations from my bed!
1. Mucinex makes my nose feel all gummy inside. Very hard to blow your nose with gumminess supreme covering the inner workings of the nasal cavity.
2. I really should have finished painting the ceiling white 3 years ago. It's driving me crazy to stare at it now.
3. The cravings for deep-fried something or other is getting to me. Chicken, potatoes, mechanical pencils. I don't care. I just want it deep fried.
4. When I say I want 'cranberry juice' it's just the shortened version of 'cranberry raspberry juice', but in my weakened state I don't feel like saying the whole thing. Actually, it could be 'cranberry grape' or 'cranberry strawberry'. Anything but the plain stuff. Way. too. tart.
5. My favorite 'sick clothes' are tank tops and pajama bottoms. I have settled for this purple tube top that used to be a stretchy mini-skirt when I was in college. I have no shame.
6. I can eat 73 gummy bears and count each one before I'm totally bored and continue to shove them in my mouth without tallying them.
7. The best thing I've read this week was Christopher Moore's The Lust Lizard Of Melancholy Cove. Absolutely hilarious. The town psychiatrist decides to take everyone off their meds and replaces them with placebos. Also, a giant lizard comes out of the water causing everyone to be super horny. Sex is rampant. Thus, yesterday's post. The lizard/beast has a thing for mounting oil tankers that produce disastrous results. An excerpt: "She purred, taunting and teasing him from the front of the deserted Texaco station. That come-hither rumble. That low, sexy growl. Those silver flanks reflecting fog and the red Texaco sign called to him, begged him to mount her." Honestly, just read it.
8. My ass is getting sore from being in bed. (That sounded all wrong. Disregard what I've been mentioning about sex and REMEMBER THAT I'M SICK WITH A VIRUS.) Bouncing around on the bed (oh, knock it off) helps wake my sleeping butt and the most comfortable spot seems to be near the headboard on Kennimus' side of the bed. I spent part of the day with my legs in the air resting my feet on the wall.
9. Under normal circumstances, that bed pose coupled with a purple tube top would be sexy.
10. I'm sick, so that pose is not sexy right now.