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Re-Entry Burn

When the astronauts come back into the atmostphere there is all this bumping around and bouncing of molecular activity in the re-entry stage. It's much the same when returning from a wickedly fun trip where I laughed too much (and loudly - some of you know what I'm talking about), licked too often (and laciviously - some of the pictures may be mistaken for porn), and stayed out too late (and lied about it - "I think I came in at 1:00 a.m., Becky. Umm... wait. Maybe it was 2:00.")

Coming home to real life has that burning sensation to it where the people who know you well tell you to stop name-dropping and get back to being the momma of the house. It's a little deflating and yet good for me at the same time.

My deflation happened early on at BlogHer where my friend, Becky, and I went to the bar as soon as we got there where I was met with this question:

Oh, hi! Are you here with Club Mom?


Ohhhh.... (turning slowly away from me and letting the other women know that I am a leper and should NOT be touched.)

That's ok, though. She more than made up for it when I heard someone beckon me to their table where she was sitting when this other person bellowed "Mocha!" That must have jogged her brain that she had, perhaps, heard of me from somewhere because she squealed, "Ohmygod, you're Mocha? You're MOCHA?" I'm too gracious to have shoved it back in her face so I smiled and hugged her and got leprosy goodness all over her shirt and held pleasant conversation with her and the other women there.

It made it a little better when Becky, who laughed with me over this first introduction in the bar, went back to where Club Mom was having their pre-conference soiree to drop off her empty wine glass at the bar said, "It's ok. They're all still in there and I dropped a really stinky fart and left it there just for you. Now, let's go somewhere else."

This? This is why she's my best friend.

My photos are being held hostage in my camera and won't be uploaded until I can get Jayne fixed (AGAIN. AGAIN! What a shit she's being to me.) but I will flickrize them soon.

My favorite question and the one which I answered differently every time came in two forms. Either it was "Are you a mommyblogger?" or "What kind of blog do you write?"

It's a personal blog, I guess. What I mean to say is that I puke on the page and people somehow respond to it.

There was no shortage of stimulating and intellectual conversation with the people I met. I don't say "women" because I spoke with plenty of men as well. Discussions of what makes a community and how I identify myself as a person of color brought about many more complex issues which my brain is currently exploring. Having this conversation with Karen and Alice prompted me to confess that when I write about issues of race there are often a great deal of comments because this is a safe place. Sometimes, that confuses me because I wonder how many people have multicultural experiences in their own life and that there is a sense of burden on my part to represent my views in an honorable way. Then, I told them that I'm sure there are better places where people write more fluidly on the topic. Alice eloquently stated, "Oh. You're their practice Black person."

I'm still giggling about that.

Since I do so love to be in a crowd and have never met a stranger, hopping from group to group during social time was a veritable feast for me. Cliques and I don't go together well and it's my mission in life to break into each one, leave a piece of myself, and move on to learn about other people. That, to me, was the beauty of being in this space with these fantastic people.

I didn't get caught up in the mommyblogger-vs.-everyone-else-drama because let's face it: I have enough drama to deal with in my real life that I don't need to take on virtual ones.

I tried pulling the shy people into the conversation as much as I could because I'm the complacent, quintessential middle child because, let's face it: I want everyone to get along and have a great time.

I let my mouth take over and just spill things out that I can't put back in because, let's face it, it is fun to watch the reaction from other people.

To wit: When conversing with Heather about people not coming up to her the first day out of their own fear, I was comforted by her frankness.

Me: What? You mean they are afraid? Let me ask you this: Do you put your pants on one leg at a time?

Heather: Yeah.

Me: Do you take a shit, too?

Heather: Yeah. And it stinks!

Re-entry burn may not be so hard after all. I'll just ask everyone about pooping today and it'll be like I never left San Jose.

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Reader Comments (36)

Oh my goodness! You rock. So, Heather was taller in person, eh? I'm still giggling about that. I guess I never knew your heights!

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDana


I didn't get a chance to tell you how lovely it was to meet you in person. Oh, and how beautiful you are. Seriously. Stunning.

Here's hoping that our paths cross again soon -- see you at BlogHer '07, perhaps?


August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChookooloonks

It sounds like you all had a blast. Welcome back...

I wonder what would happen if everyone in the world realized that everyone else put their pants on relatively the same and everyone took a poop.

p.s. Mrfit was reading over my shoulder and said that Mocha was hot... hmmmmmm That makes a bunch of us :)

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJill

LOL, best friends are great, they know exactly what to do !
I am living vicariously through you and several others that went to the conference. I can't wait to see the pictures! I wish my puke looked as good as yours! Happy licking, have you scraped your tongue yet?

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJoAnn

Hiya Kelly!

As always, I thoroughly enjoyed this one. "Club Mom"? I must say, you showed admirable restraint on your response to THAT one... (chuckling)

And how about “Oh. You’re their practice Black person.”

OH. MY. God. I wouldn't even know how to respond to THAT one.

Sounds like you had a really, really fun time. Goodonya!

Soooo, when does school start?

Sorry hon... I just could NOT resist!

See ya soon,


August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPilgrim

Kelly, I hope re-entry burn doesn't leave any marks! ::GRIN:: Sounds like you had a great time.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterTom Stormcrowe

Welcome to the world of technical people. They are so smart and so witty and sometimes rather blunt in person, not knowing any other way. You learn to toughen up a little and not take that personally. Ummm, that is why *some* of them BLOG! Not so much personal interaction ...

And "Practice Black Person"?!? And the person I am married to and the child I gave birth to are.... ok, not going there.

Totally wishing I had planned to try to go. This wasn't the right summer for me though - and dang it, is my writing that freaking good?!?


August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdeannie

In a totally non weird way. I was looking at your flickr photos and my daughter said, "But, why is that lady licking you mommy?"

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterchris

The Internet is in agreement that you were the most beautiful woman there. I'm so glad we got to quickly exclaim our love for each other before moving on to more mingling. Wasn't the weekend wild?

But re-entry's a bitch. Ugh.

See you next year in Chicago! (And before that on your blog, of course.)

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMary Tsao

Yup, Chicago is confirmed now:

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdeannie

I just had the funniest conversation about pooping with Jamie. I laughed so hard at my desk because he hung up on me, he doesnt like poop talk and gets all squimish.

Everybody poops.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

you are a sexy bitch! SMOOCH!

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjennster

i wanted to talk to yooooou! i think you are so great and all i got to say was hello. next time. *sigh

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterleahpeah

I totally wish that we'd had an opportunity to say more than hello. Next year?

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHer Bad Mother

Oh good... you managed to have fun without me then? :-)

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDave2

I watched you flutter around the conference, talking to so many people and brandishing this absolutely *gorgeous* smile, and all I could think was: that bitch.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjes

(while absolutely adoring you, that is)

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjes

i was kinda' hoping you would be my first lesbian experience at BlogHer anyhow. maybe next year? ha.

aside from your physical beauty, you are wonderful. i was so glad we had a chance for more than a hello and a lick.

cheers to you gorgeous.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterjenB

Okay, I can see why that Alex guy was all riled up about your site, enough to get his wife all "blog jealous". :o) You write really well. I enjoyed my visit here." rel="nofollow">To Love, Honor and Dismay

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew McAllister Ph.D.

Dana - It was a blessing to wear heels, let me tell you. There were some tall chicas there.

K - You will absoLUTEly see me there in '07. Chicago is my birthplace. The sweet sentiment goes right back to you.

Jill - Some of that fun should be illegal. I'm waiting to find pictures that could land me in jail.

JoAnn - Why didn't I think of that? Tongue scraping. Hmmm...

Steve - I showed a considerable amount of restraint. It's not evident by some stories about me, but they are lies. All lies, I say.

Tom - There are some really awful thoughts I'm having about re-entry and burn marks and to prove my point to Steve, I'm not going to say them here. ;-)

Deannie - Here are my thoughts on that: people assume that those who like the internet and blogging and technical stuff will all look like pasty, greasy-haired, leftover kids from the Dungeons&Dragons era when, in fact, they are intelligent and well-spoken. I'll see you next year for sure then, right?

Chris - Please tell your daughter that I was getting some chocolate sauce off of your cheek. Or that I was let out of the home for the weekend. Either is fine. LOVE is great due to reciprocity. You did a great job speaking, btw! Nice work. ;-)

Mary Tsao - Grace told me that your name is just one word. Not Mary. Not Mom Writes. But Marytsao. I agree. Hey, the internet has been doing a lot of drinking this weekend. Don't trust it on that statement. But you are a dahling to say so. More time next year, please? Please?

Beth - Everyone poops is the theme for next year in Chicago. How did you know?

Jennster - And you are a CRAZY sexy bitch. I expect some inappropriate photos with you next year. That one I have of us is so dignified. Is that because it's during breakfast?

leahpeah - Holy shit! LeahPeah is ON.MY.BLOG. We're going to have to have virtual coffee or something. I can't wait a whole year!

HBM - True, we didn't talk much, but I stared at the Starry Boobs longer than I should have. I smiled and giggled at you a lot. Did you notice? (please say no please say no)

Dave - Oh, no. No fun at all. None whatsoever. That's just a stand in for me in all the pics. Hey! I read about YOU when I was there on the BlogHer site. While I was at my table for lunch and was all, "Oh, hey. I know him." (*whispers of "You do?") and then I continued: "Oh, yeah. We go waaayyyy back. Met in Chicago. Totally cool. Hip. Awesome." Then, they were all jealous.

Jes - HA. I flutter. That's funny. On my 4th grade report card I got in trouble for "fluttering about the classroom" and was admonished. You, however, have lauded me for it. "That bitch" is the BEST compliment. Wow. I'm honored. I'm going to call my mom and tell her. She'll be so proud.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMocha

Hey, people. You are sneaking in whilst I write my dissertation here.

JenB - I HEART YOU WITH AN UNWAVERING PASSION. That's really funny because Kennimus warned me: "Please don't come back a lesbian." Can I help it if the lezzies love me? Geez. How much more gushing can I do about you? I'm sounding like a freak. Which, you know, goes with the lesbianish persona I currently have about me.

Andrew - Thanks! ;-) The true test is to see if Mr. Alex NinjaPoodles comes to visit and leaves a comment, isn't it? We shall see.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMocha

This just made me even more sad we didn't spend time together more. And not just because I need a practice black person. Hey! I could be your practice Jewish person! Does that seem fair?

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMom101

Welcome back Kelly. I'm busting a gut over the practice black person thing. I have been the practice lesbian for many a straight girlfriend. They're so cute when they say something kind of silly and you have to tell them "Honey, that's just me. It's got nothing to do with being queer." ;^)

You're popularity is all about the individual Kelly. Your racial heritage is only part of the package. Your warmth, your openess, your humor, your intelligence, and your heart are what make you so attractive. I think all of us are attracted to people who are so darned good at being themselves.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNursePam

you are beautiful. and funny. and so great to be around. it was fun to spend some time with you friday morning. wish i had run into you a bit more. how did i miss the licking? next time!

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterbecky (misspriss)

Sounds like you had a great time and came out of it without any new stretch marks.
Glad you are back!

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Yo bitches - I called dibs on Mocha the moment I met her. Dark skin and light eyes - it's like my Kryptonite. I see nothing else except that gorgeous aesthetic combination.

Except I saw so much more. Kelly, you are one of the most welcoming people I've ever met. I'm glad we had a chance to chat on Thursday and Friday before the mob scene commenced.

And I will be your practice atheist, okay?

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermothergoosemouse

Oh Mocha, re-entry isn't that could have been your first day back at me! Yep, my summer is over. So see, re-entry is (like you said) really a good thing! :)

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkelli

It sounds like you at a glorious time! And Jayne better get her act together!

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPointlessBallyhoo

Glad you're back and I hope Jayne gets her sexy Mac butt in gear.

Can you beat up Spaces for me so they stop futzing with their CSS? I'd like to be able to blog on my blog sometime this week (what a concept). I hate to say it, but getting on another site is starting to look better and better...I may have to pick your and Dana's brains (BRAINS! Grrrr! Argh!) about that process.

August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCaffeinated Librarian


You are one of the people I am most disappointed that I didn't get to meet. I'm jealous of all the happiness of the people who did. It sounds like you had a great time - so glad to hear it. I'll be stalking you in '07. ;-)


August 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWag

A day late and an entry behind, as usual, but I just had to mention that I own a horse named Jayne. With a 'y', just like your 'puter. Isn't that weird? She's a palomino pinto grade mare who lives with her co-owner in Magnolia and has half-breed babies for us. Seriously. Um, that's all. I'm running on fumes, depth-wise.

August 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBelinda

I'm back!!!

August 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterVENTL8R

MOCHA! MOMMA! I am so glad you had such a great time, it's the next best thing to being there myself. Next year, in Chicago, I will be the one with the tattoo on my cheeck that says "LICK HERE PLEASE". Okay? Okay!

I have not yet had the question asked as to whether or not I'm actually a "Mommyblogger"... I don't suppose I am, really... just a Mom who happens to blog and it sometimes includes references to my children. I'm a little too all over the place to fit a single category -- (*channels Tommy Chong*)"Don't box me in with your labels, maaaaan."

I'd totally be your practice Ex-Mormon, but damnit... it appears Heather beat me...

August 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMeL

I just remembered that smacked your ass while you were wearing those bootylicious little pants of yours. WOOHOOOOOOOOO!! That alone was worth the entry fee.

I freaking love you. And I totally didn't have the chance to hump your leg. Dammit! Chicago, baby. I'll never let go.

Tell Becky I said hello and it was nice to meet her. She was fantastic! :)

August 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChase

I KNEW I should have stowed away on a plane so I could go to Blogher. I missed seeing you flutter, lick, misbehave, lick some more and undoubtedly tonnes of other stuff we know nothing about! Seeing as I have no other skills to add to the pot, I will have to be your practice Australian :) I am just so glad you had such fun, and have met so many of the people you have "known" for so long, as well as a few new ones :) Mwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

August 2, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdragon-mum

[...] There are some interesting things that blogging has brought about for me and, for the most part, I’m pretty happy with them. I’ve met some bloggers and gotten a chance to get some honest, thought-worthy feedback on issues I struggle with and sometimes there are comments that are so hilarious they make my post look like a low-fat saltine cracker with all the salt licked off: generally unappealing. [...]

October 27, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma » You Should

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