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Glass, Concrete & Stone

Some extra special moments in education this week...

A very MacGyverish situation with some paper clips and masking tape that produced a makeshift bra latch and feeling too stupid to even share it with anyone. Except you. Right now.

A very icky-ish situation where I called back a parent who left me a voicemail and she sounded terrible. "Oh, I'm sorry! I can call you back later. Do you have the flu or a bad cold or something?" Why I even bothered to ask that is beyond me because the answer I got was, "It's my head. And my butt." There's a line there, people! It's invisible, but IT IS THERE SO RESPECT IT. Jesus God Almighty, why does this happen to me?

Some personal inventory-ish stuff happening with me and my role in life (Hello, Life? During this portion of the stage act I would prefer not to have any unseemly zits. It's not the vanity in me, no way. It's that I work with teenagers who aren't afraid to ask, "You still get zits? At YOUR age?" and then I want to pinch their eyelids shut and that goes against the sort of Hypocratic Oath I've taken to care for kids. That's all. I'll get back to you with more stuff later.) I guess that's it. I'm just doing inventory. Thought I'd tell you that.

So, not so much education-ish, but my mom asked if I'd ever seen The Vagina Monologues to which I replied, "Sure I have. Why?" and then she proceeded to tell me that she is in a stage version of it to play here at the local community college. She was heading off to her rehearsal and trying to get off the phone with me. Now, I'm certainly nonplussed by this woman so it was nothing for me to say, "Ok. See you later. Good lu...err...break a hymen." She was nonplussed to hear it from me.

Gossipy-ish on the education front: everyone is still fretting about new appointments and new principals and new jobs created and I realized that people were actually talking about me. I'm so far out of the loop it's not funny, but people are talking. I'm going to let them and I won't believe one. single. thing until school starts again in August.

Mallory, my mom and I went shopping in St. Louis last weekend and this dress called my name. No lie. It spoke directly to me and said, "You ain't foolin' nobody, honey. I know you think you're hiding things in that outfit, but your ass is J-Lo-ish. Beyonce-ish. Come here. Try me on. I will accentuate you beautifully." I'm not one to talk back to a $20 dress so I got it and wore it to work this week with a black blazer over it because it's cold. During my freshman lunch shift I'm required to monitor and there's this table of girls who constantly critique my outfits, jewelry, boots, etc.. and one said, "Take off that jacket. I want to see the dress." I'm not one to talk back to a loud mouth freshman teenager so I obliged. "Oooohh. You're skinnier with it off. Don't wear that tired old jacket. I ain't playin'." I love the little children who aren't afraid to tell me exactly what they think.

During some of my hallway duties I tend to walk around and speak to students (and yes! I finally know them all by name and use them when I say hello to them!) and I've noticed my speech mirroring theirs.

"Mrs. Mocha, ain't you gonna change my classes yet?"

"Umm, ain't you gonna pass that Biology class, girl?"

"Hey, Mrs. Mocha! I need a dolla!"

"You ain't my child! I don't need to feed you! Plus, I seen you with them Fritos this morning so don't act like you hungry."

I don't know what's come over me. Somehow, I'm not really all that worried. Because that dress was talking all slang when it called me out anyway.
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Reader Comments (10)

[...] mom is in The Vagina Monologues. So, not so much education-ish, but my mom asked if I’d ever seen The Vagina Monologues to which [...]

I love it when you get all slang-talky and sh*t. :)

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjenny

Masking take...tape?! I'm just pointing it out in case it's one of your test! And not to sound weird but you could you put the dress back on and have someone take a picture? Ok that sounds weird...

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBree

LOL...I want to take my comment back...there's a mistake!

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBree


Hey, I have this really nasty rash between my legs. What should I use to get rid of it?


February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTom

HAAAAA. That was a pure mistake on my part, Bree. I so suck.

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

One of my students came in with, "Yo, hey, Mrs. --!" this morning. He's nine. Not nineteen.
And "Break a hymen"? Snorting coffee out my nose.

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

great humor in your writing! come to my blog and sign up for a great giveaway! it would be great for valentine's day! *elizabeth

February 2, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterelizabeth

Break a hymen...bwahahahahaha!

February 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

[...] out of practice with my titles. Two people e-mailed me about last Friday’s title and all I can say is that I heard the David Byrne song “Glass, Concrete & Stone” [...]

February 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma » Things I S

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