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All The Good Bad Words

Lately, my oldest son is playing Moral Police and constantly telling me to watch my language. It's not that I walk around allowing foul words to just fall out of my mouth with no discernible context. For example, when I read about the pool in Philadelphia which banned the minority (Black and Latino) kids from swimming there I'm fairly certain a string of words exited my vocal chords. I say 'fairly certain' because I think that I also passed out from hearing it and then seeing that one little boy with tears in his eyes on the news say that he thought we were "done with this kind of stuff" (I paraphrase here) and then I quickly exclaimed to my television and no one in particular "Oh, BABY."

It just makes me laugh when people tout about the phrase "post-racial" because keep wondering, "My God, where the hell do these people LIVE?" that they believe such things?

Then it makes me cuss up a storm. But so does stubbing my toe.

Yet, it's articles like this that make me feel better about cussing. Rather, they help me feel better about justifying my cussing.

One of my favorite websites/blogs lately is Margaret and Helen. They're women who have been best friends for over 60 years. I've pointed you to their About page which is one of the more fascinating ones I've ever read and it reads:
Why do you use foul language?
It makes me laugh. Some of the best words in the world are bullshit and ass. I don’t use bitch very much, but the shoe seemed to fit this occasion. My grandson says it makes me cool. Margaret hardly ever cusses.

While you're pondering WHICH bad words you're going to leave in my comments (come on. I know you people) you might want to hit up another link I have for you. BlogHer and Crystal Light have asked me to do a Water Way Challenge and drink Crystal Light (and also increase my water intake as well) for 10 days. My first review is here. I'm on day 6 now and have written a couple of reviews of it. (Hint: I have a favorite. It involves the word "pomegranate".)

And I have cussed once for having to drink it.
« And I Quote | Main | My "Useless" Job »

Reader Comments (33)

My favorite word is ass. It can be combined with so many others to make a point.

That said, I had a teacher once who said that when one saves cursing for emphasis, it means more. And I like it when my foul language really makes an impact. So, I use it sparingly.

I won't lie, though. Hearing my then three year old daughter use "dumbass" in a sentence (thanks to her dad) made a big impact on how both of us use language. LOL

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

My favorite word is FCUK.

So many ways to use it and it still be considered appropriate.

And when I'm feeling all fancy, I jazz it up by saying Fuckery.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVeep Veep


July 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commentershel

I tend to say, "Fucking Shitballs" a lot. Because it amuses me to do so.

Another favorite: "Cocksucker." Related: I'm sad that Deadwood only ran two seasons. Or three. I can't remember. Fucking shitballs.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMighty Hunter

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I would love to say that it's not my favourite word, that I'm far too demure for that sort of thing, but it's the truth. I don't say it as much as I used to, since I'm the mother of a 5-year-old parrot.

Speaking of which, HER favourite curseword is "Flipperjuice." As in, "oh, fffffffffffffLIPPERJUICE." Which she made up, and which I've adopted, as a quick recovery from almost saying my favourite curseword.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChookooloonks

I am a huge potty mouth. I know all the big words and I know how to use them in sentences.
One of my sons said at about age 8 that "they are only words" and you know what he is right. It is us who give them the power they have.

Comedian George Carlin once commented that the word fuck ought to be considered more appropriate, because of its implications of love and reproduction, than the violence exhibited in many movies. He humorously suggested replacing the word kill with the word fuck in his comedy routine, such as in an old movie western: "Okay, sheriff, we're gonna fuck you, now. But we're gonna fuck you slow..." Or, perhaps in reference to a murderer: "Mad Fucker on the Loose", or even the murderer himself: "Stop me before I fuck again!" More popularly published is his famous "Filthy Words" routine, better known as "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television."

OMFG I have gone on and on here haven't I.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLori E

this might make you feel better a little about those kids:

see you next week! xoxo

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Sugarpants

I love fuck! So many wonderful uses for it. It can even be it's own sentence! Although Re-cock-ulous is right up there.


And as long as we still see race, it will be a determining factor in so many things. Which is sad.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMrs Soup

I love Battlestar Galactica for giving me the word frak in place of fuck. Frak I can use in front of my kids. Just saying, you know, for those of you who love the f-word. ;-)

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

What I want to know is when all the black kids got in the pool and all the white kids immediately got out, did not one parent there think, "Wow, this is exactly how people used to act pre-desegregation. I didn't raise my kid to act, in 2009, like a white Southerner from the 1960s (or 1950s or 1940s or 1930s) - I am not going to have this." Because I have to tell you my first reaction on hearing it on the news was to remember news footage that I've seen from my Southern hometown during those bad old days, followed by the thought "Holy Hell, not this again."

Which makes me wonder: if the president and his kids showed up to swim in that pool would the white parents there still be worried that his girls would "do something" to their kids?

You know my favorite cuss word: "daggnabbitt." And you know why I like it, since I've explained it on your blog and Dave2's blog and my own blog at various times...but for those who missed those explanations: I like cartoon curse words because they make me smile, which is usually what I'm in the need of when I'm mad and feel like cursing. "Rassin-frassin'" is another favorite of mine.

These days when I do occasionally really curse with real, grown-up curse words I frequently feel compelled to look skywards and apologize to God, which I realize is incredibly stupid and must make me look like a complete idiot. Oh well, I'm sure that's not the only thing I do that makes me look like an idiot...*eye roll*...maybe we can chalk it up to "part of my charm."

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaffeinated Librarian


It's the king of all cuss words. And so versatile.


So full of love and hate all at the same time.


Still, it should only be used by trained professionals.

FUCK!!! :D

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJohann

FUck a Duck is one of my many phrases that I say when needing to say something.

However, I am not bias for or against any cuss words, I love them all equally.

When the grandbaby was 2 we were walking to the car and it happened to be trash day, as we passed the dumpsters on the curb she turned to me and said "Grandma those smell like shit". I simply replied "Yes, baby they sure do", as I beamed with pride that at age 2 she used it in the correct context. Her mom however was not as happy.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAdrienne

Like Mighty Hunter, I am a fan of "shitballs." I also use the phrase "shit-ass-ton" to refer to a large amount of anything, most often my workload, as in, "I have a shit-ass-ton of work to do today."

I also like calling people "asshats" or "fucking wankers." Well, I don't LIKE calling people those things, but if they're going to be a fucking wanker I will totally call them out for being an asshat.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLara

Frak is a wonderful word, isn't it Anne? So useful in so many situations - plus the added bonus of confusing the hell out of non-SciFi fans. Although I do expect that there'll be a frakin' frak backlash at some point. There's always a backlash when something becomes that ubiquitous...but I'll be sad to see it finally go out of style.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaffeinated Librarian

I'm enjoying how your children have either used a 'bad' word in a sentence correctly (my oldest son, Mason, was playing with his Fisher Price golf clubs when he was 3 and said, "Shit!" every time he missed the ball) OR how you have come up with alternatives.

Frak is a great one. I'm enough of a sci-fi geek to know that one. I'm also enough of a pop culture fan to know fargin iceholes.

But I forgot to mention "clusterfuck". Pretty much any word you can put with the F word is pure genius.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

Well nothing really works quite as well as a well said F word.

But after hearing it come out the mouth of my three year old nephew this afternoon in the back seat of my car, I have been careful to try and find a clever replacement.

Farcklenuts is a good substitute. Kinda like Splenda for sugar. Not the same thing, but will work in a pinch.

I'm also rather fond of twat. Twat, twatty, twattastic.

It's all good baby.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRedneck Mommy

HA! I'm so tickled by all these words!

Redneck Mommy made me remember another one: nucking futs.

For when you're trying not to cuss.

All these crazy drivers! This is nucking futs!

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMocha

I don't have one that I especially love more than any other. My husband has some that he reserves for special situations--cocksucker comes out only for plumbing projects, it seems.

I had to clean it up in front of the kids--right about the time my then-4 year old shouted down to me one day (as we were trying to resolve the problem of what she was going to wear), "I'm only going to wear a fucking dress!"

It's still funny.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg Evans

As an educated gentleman, I choose not to sully my vocabulary with slang. I feel that propriety requires proper diction, good posture, but above all else, a dearth of vulgarity. The use of profanity to express oneself is an act of a savage and while it remains en vogue for teh lower classes of humanity, I shall never stoop to their dirty unwashed levels.

I bid you good day.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAvitable

Jesus fucking Christ on a cock sandwich. I misspelled "teh" in my previous comment.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAvitable

Avitable, I shouldn't love you as much as I do. But I do.

I am a sick woman.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

Avitable is such a twat waffle.

Farcklenuts. Cocksucker out swore me.

Damn it.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRedneck Mommy

I drop the f bomb way too often.

But lately I'm addicted to "douchenozzle"

But I know Ive been saying douche too often when I caught my mom saying it last week. Yikes.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

i was pissed off that deadwood didn't come back. cocksuckers, for sure.

my favorites would be cuntbucket & douchenozzle & i don't get to say them as often as i like with 4 shorties running or crawling around me all day.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermommymae

I read that study on Psych Today, and I have to admit, I sort of thought it was a "DUH."

Of course it makes you feel better. We have centuries of anecdotal proof. And my own, personal opinion.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mother

My new favorite is B!TCHASSEDNESS -stole from Diddy, or Puffy, or P.Diddy, you know Puff Daddy lol!!!

Cherry Pomegranite ROCKS!!! It is my fav followed by White Grape...I now don't hate water as much.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwifey615

Meg, I don't know how you kept a straight face for that one (if you even did!) because that is the stuff of family stories at reunions.

Twatwaffle gets you 100 points, Redneck Mommy. I'm kind of speechless after that.

Also adding to my list:
Douchenozzle (WTH? But I love it)

Also? You people and your cocksucking Deadwood. I'm so sorry I missed that series. Perhaps an afternoon of catching the series on DVD is worth my time.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

My favorite is "Jesus fucking Vishnu on a stick!" because everyone that hears it stops to ponder the mental image for a moment.

Don't get to use that one very often though :(

another good fuck substitute is phosphofructokinase. it's an enzyme involved in the digestion of sugar, but it's got all the right hard consonant sounds. Yes, I'm a nerd, why do you ask?

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterV's Herbie

Kelly, I busted out laughing. And so did my then 6-year old--who was sitting right next to me!

And now that I think of it, I have become sort of fond of "douchebag" lately...there are just so many times when it's appropriate! Not that it's one of the really bad ones...I just don't want to hear my daughter calling anyone a douchebag any time soon.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg Evans

I'm a big fan of fuck. That has to be my favorite. Though with a parrot two year old in the house, there is now an excess amount of fudge around. Mother fudgcicles, M effer fudge, fudgenuts...

Though, when in need of a milder curse word, that isn't a curse word, I like bullshit. Especially since it explains a lot of what I have to deal with working in corporate America.

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia Sprout

'shit a brick' works for me! said loud and forcefully, it blows away the tension while letting anyone close know I'm not in a mood to screw with!!!!

July 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLubbockGayMale

i'm partial to asshat (and various other ass + noun formations).
frak is great, too.

July 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan

Unfortunately, I have a problem with the *f* word - I say it constantly. The other thing I say quite a bit is "God-Bless-America" instead of GD - this annoys my DH - as does "CHEESE-N-RICE!"

On another note. I'd like to point out what a fucking asshat that shitbag of a president is for saying that those kids' God-Bless-America complexions would change the pool. My bet, from the sounds of the craptacular presidential quote, is that it would have been a change for the better. I mean seriously - CHEESE-N-RICE! - for the 2ND time today, I'm required to ask...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

See you Chicago! :)

July 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPIneappleBabble

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