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Multiple Personali- Uh, Paragraphs

Who said that all paragraphs need to have cohesion? Oh, all my former English teachers. Well, they didn't have a blog and I do SO THERE.

One of the fun things about writing is that you can have all sorts of categories. I went to dinner with a new friend Jeannette (who does, indeed, eat more than just spaghetti, she eats Thai noodles!) this week and she has one that I want to steal but I won't. Basically, it has to do with the fact that she isn't sponsored by anything on that post. The reason I bring this up is that sometimes I sit to write and OH, WITH THE WRITING FLOW, THAR SHE BLOWS! and other times I can't seem to make a sentence stick without too many cuss words so I have to re-think it until it sounds like I am coherent and can string a bunch of damn words together and then I realize that I should just start with a category. Just now, when I sat down to write I realized that I almost clicked on the "Feelin' Good Wednesday" category and my brain registered, "It's Thursday, asshole" and that immediately made me realize why I drink margaritas on Fridays. It's because of Thursdays. It's always Thursday's fault.

Health Care Reform has brought out the absolute crazy in people. First of all, we need to get some people some combs for their hair and maybe some bleach to clean their clothes because PEOPLE, YOU LOOK A MESS. The funny thing is that when some television station snatches them up it's a combination I'm-Going-To-Reiterate-My-Yelling-Into-Softer-Spoken-Words and Someone-Give-Them-a-Makeover-Please and it's really quite bizarre. I may or may not have mentioned that a few weeks ago when I was in Chicago that I got invited to have lunch with Valerie Jarrett, a Senior Advisor to President Obama. I also may or may not have mentioned that before our luncheon I was talking to Loralee who expressed to me how nervous she was about saying TA-TAs in front of Valerie Jarrett. If you read her long-ass post today you will get a view of a real person struggling with the issues of health care and insurance. In the meantime, I'm starting a petition to get people to brush their hair before going out in public.

The best parts of my job all involve the human aspect of it. When I sit down with families to register their child for high school and they decide on the classes I guide them through it's a phenomenal thing. Last week on the very first day of registration Leah came in with her mom. Leah pilfered away her freshman year and bounced around from class to class ("This is too haaaard." she'd whine and if she didn't get her way she'd just fail it.) and then she bounced from school to school. They've since come back to my high school and Leah spent the time waiting for me outside my office texting like a fiend on her cell phone. She took off when it was her turn to come in and register with her mother and I informed her that she'd be a Freshman again because of her lack of credits. She flew off the handle, cussing at her mother, stomping around, and then she walked out even when her mom told her to come back and sit down. Her mom sat in my office chair in tears lamenting how she'd done everything wrong and that she doesn't know what to do with her. "Well, first off," I began quietly, "you might want to take that cell phone from her. Why does she get to sit here and make social plans with her friends when she can't make it to the 10th grade?" In all honesty, I'm glad I can say things like that in my line of work and not get my teeth knocked in but there are days when I think someone is going to be pissed at me for shooting them straight. The meeting, like so many that I have, ended with me comforting a parent and offering tissues and encouraging words. TEENAGERS? YOU ARE ON NOTICE FROM ME RIGHT NOW. I mean, uh, let the school year begin!

Learned: there is such a thing as a second choice booty call. I asked this question of everyone I knew last week. This week I learned:  there also is such a thing as a person who can renege the original booty call. What you will NOT learn: how I discovered this new learning.

This needs to be a thing: Brownies + Nutella + glitter. Someone needs to get on that.

It's great how when I mention hair I get suggestions (thank you for the diffuser advice!) and yet I'm struggling still because of this weird curl/crimp look of the front of my hair and the perfect ringlet curls in the back. So every day I've started curling the front of it with a curling iron and it gets out of control until I'm late for work and all I can hear in my head is Daryl Hannah's twangy Southern voice from "Steel Magnolias" when she says, "I promise. My personal problems will not interfere with my ability to do good hair." and then I laugh. Because of the voices in my head. 


SOMEONE may need some medication due to this. SOMEONE may also need to write better paragraphs. SOMEONE also took a picture of said hair with her phone again.
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Reader Comments (25)

I miss Nutella. And I wrote about health care reform today too!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAvitable

I love, love your hair! I'm resisting writing about health care reform. See how long I last - I predict a week. With two disabled folks in the house (me and my teen son), health care matters. A lot. That's a fragment; put it in a run-on paragraph and we'll be even.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

Someones hair looks perfectly fine. That's all I got. I can't remember the other 12 paragraphs I read before that. LOL!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKeyona

Hair = awesome. Health care reform alarmist nuts hogging all the airwaves = me avoiding the news. I feel a diatribe coming, so I'll just get off the soapbox now. I need to do laundry anyway.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg Evans

You are funny as hell. I lost it when I got to the second choice booty call. Again...I almost slid to the floor in a heap of laughter...then I remembered I had a dress on and I would not want to do that for fear of my co-workers seeing my undergarments. And, your hair is looking HOT!!!!!!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLu

I've been resisting writing about Health Care Reform also but I don't think we come down on the same side of the issue. I don't think that what we have now is the best, but I think that what is being proposed is worse.
HOWEVER, we do agree on people needing to get themselves together a little more before going in public.

And also, your hair looks fantastic.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNel

Love the hair!!

Hate the people who leave the house with bed head, dirty clothes, and dirty faces. I have a seven old who would leave the house a mess if I let him. The kids in the neighborhood are slovenly & he wants to know why he can't be like them. Arg!!!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I love it- your hair, then nutella, the straight-shooting, the OMG brush your damn hair already talk. Nice.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBinkytowne

Your hair...looks great
Teenagers...spoiled brats not held accountable for anything..lazy parents
Health care...I'm Canadian and have had government held health care all my life. Is it perfect? No. Can it work? Yes. Will we ever, ever lose our homes because of medical bills? Never, not here. Use some sense and see that not every aspect of it will be perfect but the greater good of decent health care for all is worth it.
Oh and comb your freakin' hair people.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLori E

Your hair? AWESOME! I love it!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternec

Could your hair be any cuter? Nope, don't think so. And go check out Teri on for hints on living with your kick ass curls.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMommela

God, I love you.

You are probably the only reason I did not throw up out of fear in that lunch.

I totally want to be you if I ever grow up.

Although if the universe is going to be all bitchy and won't let me be like you, can I just have your hair? Please???


August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLoralee

Sparkly Nutella Brownies. I'm on it!

Also, your hair looks beautiful.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAverage Jane

That hair is FIERCE!

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNaysWay

Love your hair.
As far as the petition for folks to brush their hair - where do I sign? And while you're at it, can you start a "Reporters, I know you can find some well dressed intelligent people to interview" petition too. I'm just saying.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMari Taylor

Have I mentioned in the last 24 hrs how much I love your new hairstyle? CUZ I DO.

I am tickled by the fact that a voice in your head is a character from Steel Magnolias.

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersizzle

your hair? the hotness!

your ability to straight shoot at work without tip toeing around parents? teh awesome!

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermommymae

I'm struggling today with my newly short hair. It's all edgy and spiky and how did I sign up for this and why can't I make it look like my stylist did yesterday.

I will also sign the petition making people brush their hair before they leave the house. I'm also willing to police the enforcement of it by going around with a badge and a utility belt with hair styling tools.

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy in StL

I always read - but never comment - but I must say that I do love your new haircut!

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

Teenagers are terrible, I hate them. (Huh, what? I am a teenager? Who said that? I am a teenager no more! I turned twenty few months ago!) ;D

Cohesion sucks. Long live the cheerful creativity! ;)

And nice hair :)

best wishes,

PS. Do you mind if I stop by from time to time? :)

August 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia E. Adler

Stop by anytime, Amelia. You, too, Kathy. And any and all lurkers. Except that one asshole who I can't stand right now.


In the meantime, I'm off to check out Teri per Mommela's urging!

Also? I miss you guys. You've got some schmutz on your face. Left side. Yeah. There. You got it.

August 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

How about I remember to leave my comments all at one time? Wouldn't that be GREAT?

Nel, I'm guessing we come down on the same side, actually. Don't you want everyone to have health care? Me, too. But you'd be surprised about what I think of the plan. Or maybe not. Who knows.

I tend to say away from too controversial a topic lest the crazies and trolls come out.

August 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMocha Momma

so I didn't read a word of this blog post. I did read the one above. I just had to comment to tell you how FREAKING FINE you look. Damn woman. Christ. I mean. Hello. HAWTNESS!

You're the best kitty in the whole wide world Champer Damper!

August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterscoutj

I am the cell phone vigilante with an iPhone on my desk. Hypocrite, yes. In charge? Also yes.

Kid came in yesterday all late complaining because her classes got deleted. She kept referring to this ridiculous phone-like thing in her hands that looked like nothing I had ever seen, and she was not paying attention to me but she kept asking the same indignant questions. So I said, "I recommend that you stop looking at your phone and pay attention so you can move forward with your life and besides I cannot have a conversation with you if you continue to refer to your phone."

And she told me she was turning it off which wasn't true and I told her the conversation was over and that was that and hopefully she managed to get her classes straight and I share all this to say that I'm really hoping I don't get my teeth knocked out because sometimes it feels a little touch and go. (But I'm not giving up on the tough love, no way. My blood pressure can't take it. And agreed with the "on notice" part. I have a lot of parents in my other chair like that. All I can ever think is how my mother would have dealt with me in the case of similar behavior and it makes me combined laugh and cry.)

(Also this is long. I need an "educators' in August" support group, clearly.

August 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

Girl, you couldn't tell me nothing if my hair was this cute!

August 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterangie

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